I Was Born for This: Reclaiming My Voice

TW: Loss of a loved one, sharing depression and self-doubt. To skip past the loss, move to "zero hour."

Allow me to reintroduce myself.

Things started to shift for me both personally and professionally throughout 2023. My mother had been in and out of the hospital and various physical rehab facilities for a variety of medical issues. This never-ending domino effect finally took its toll, and we lost my mother on December 23. Not just Christmas Eve-Eve, but also the day before my youngest's birthday. This shattered my whole world.

My mother is where I learned my love of education, educating, and teaching. For the bulk of my pre-college life, my mother ran her own in-home daycare and preschool center. Whenever I got home from school or practices, I pulled my sleeves up for some good old-fashioned play with very young children. As I was going through my teacher-ed programs, we would talk frequently about what I was learning, and how excited I was for the classroom, and eventually why we knew older kids were the better audience for me (I can tell you my favorite story about comparing our days if you ask. However, when she was gone, it dimmed a lot of my passion. Even as I was diving into new opportunities (ambassadorships, online speaking and presenting etc.) everything felt different, and I started feeling like an impostor, that I didn't deserve anything I had worked toward. This ultimately led to me seeking out some changes in employment (leaving the district I had taught in for 16 years). While this past year was easily the most fun and informative at the middle school level (which I'd never believe. The winds of change transferred me with no warning back to the high school level with a brand new position in the upcoming school year.

No matter how much success I've seen, or the genuine connections I'd built in my new global PLC, the nagging voices of my depression, anxiety, and panic disorders controlled my world. Seriously, look at almost the last thing I wrote before my first presentation at TCEA in February. All fear, all doubt, all anxiety...because I felt like I didn't belong. However, as I started thinking about my new teaching gig in August, the wisdom of some pop punk songs reminded me of some of the "best" advice I'd share with my terrified students before speech and debate competitions.

"You graduated from Kindergarten, and you ain't gotta take sh*t from nobody."

Magically, that had success in calming nerves before big debates or performances. So it's time to take my own advice.

"Zero Hour" by Settle Your Scores, 2018

This is right in my pop-punk, scream-y comfort zone.

The opening verse to this track absolutely nails where I've been trapped cognitively and/or emotionally for years:

My whole life

I've been staring into the rearview

Forever doubting every step that I take

I spent so much time looking backwards

I missed everything happening right in front of my face

Another day, another week, another year I've wasted

On pointless self-hatred

Second guessing if I've got what it takes

And resenting the world for all my mistakes

But I've bent too far to break

What perfectly connects this song to me is the first two lines of the chorus: "I keep telling myself, I'm short selling myself, and I just might make it." I've been willingly walking through whichever doors have opened themselves for me, and I just need to give myself the grace and comfort to know that I'm there. Or, as they conclude in the chorus, "So I'll break down these walls I've built so tall, To hide myself from everyone else but, I've found out despite all doubt that I was born for this."

Shifting Perspective #1-My Voice Matters.

Listening to "Zero Hour" reminds me to stand strong in the face of adversity. The lyrics resonate with my experiences, highlighting that setbacks can serve as stepping stones. For instance, after a difficult semester where I struggled to engage students, I learned to view those challenges as opportunities to refine my teaching methods. Rather than feeling defeated, I started imagining ways to reclaim my voice in my teaching practices.

Educators often underestimate the impact of their voices. We hold the power to inspire our students, yet the noise of societal pressures can silence us. Reports show that about 60% of teachers experience feelings of inadequacy due to workplace challenges, making it harder for us to advocate for change in education. Recognizing this can empower us to push back against those feelings and assert our influence.

"This Movie Sucks" by Durry, 2025

For real, check this song out, and listen to their new album from which this is the title track. It is EPIC!

I have been actively trying to change. I have been trying to move out of my comfort zone of "extroverted AF digitally, and mortally terrified in the 'real' world. Durry opens by singing:

I've been living life

Like it's a movie I don't wanna watch

Can we just cut right to the montage?

Skip ahead a month or two

And I thought I would be better

But I'm not

This movie sucks

While my 'movie' has had some highs and lows, a devastating sense of self-doubt leaves me focusing on either the negative or the mundane. However, in acknowledging my 'kindergarten' advice, I had to embrace the cliche of living in the moment and making my 'movie' even better.

Where Durry gives some amazing advice comes in the pre-chorus:

I guess when I'm dead

That's just the ending that I get

No ride into the sunset

There's no bloopers at the end

So I'll just bide my time

And try my luck

Nod and smile

And bite my tongue again

Why do I keep trying

To make the plot make sense

I've discussed this song with some folks, and some people see some type of nhilistic "everything sucks" message. However, in watching the music video (which is now one of my favorites of all time, rivaling Movies by Alien Ant Farm), I see a more Sisyphian type of absurdism. Yep, everything sucks, but you need to find those moments of joy, those moments where your rock reaches the top of the hill and you feel the warmth of the sun and the love from the gods, before it all starts over again.

Shifting Perspective #2-Turning off the Self-Doubt and Reclaiming my Voice.

Amid my struggles, songs like "This Movie Sucks" provided a burst of energy that I needed. The rawness in the lyrics reflected the chaos of life and encouraged me to embrace my imperfections. I learned that every educator has a unique narrative, filled with highs and lows that shape who they are. Each challenge I faced was not a mark against me, but a chapter in my growth story.

During this time, I chose to let go of past pressures and strive for reinvention. The past two years, I have focused on re-inventing myself, or at least diving into the broader themes that have always underpinned my pedagogy. I have focused more on adapting and perfecting my system of self-paced mastery learning. I have overhauled the way I communicate grades (because it's all made up and the points don't matter). Most importantly, I've dove in to explore the best ways to leverage play, gamification, and technology to connect learning to my students' interests.

I started to read more! Not these fancy olden hardcover books, but you get the gist =-)

Shifting Perspective #3-The Professional Development You Can Choose Matters Most!

As I navigated these reflections, I sought practical tools to facilitate my growth. I realized that professional development is not just about attending workshops; it’s about understanding my unique voice as an educator and its role in shaping the educational environment. This is the primary reason I've become addicted to edge-u-badges, and their system of micro-credentialized learning.

I made a conscious choice to surround myself with positivity. I sought mentorship from colleagues who encouraged resilience and inspiration. Conversations with peers led to fresh ideas that allowed us to think outside the box. Furthermore, I read books that challenged my assumptions and pushed me beyond my comfort zone. If I couldn't find positive spaces in person, then I started finding them online. Shout out to the Eduguardians and the #BeeGold EDU crews and the myriad folks in adjacent spaces who have put up with my questions and antics!

Most importantly, I began sharing my journey openly. This practice fostered a supportive community of educators who uplift one another. For instance, by discussing my struggles during a group meeting, I found that others shared similar experiences, and we could support and learn from each other. I found similar folks I could zoom or chat in the DMs with who have gone through similar challenges. I want to start sharing both my journey and my resources on a more consistent basis so I can become the rock that others have become for me.

Shifting Perspective #4-Embracing Reinvention in Education

Reinventing myself in education meant recognizing that each lesson, interaction, and professional opportunity is a chance for growth. I adopted a mindset that viewed obstacles as integral to my journey. Instead of avoiding difficult topics or challenges in curriculum design, I embraced them (like the 3 new classes I taught in the spring semester out of a desire to learn and help others).

My newfound perspective empowered me to innovate my teaching practices. I encouraged my students to express their thoughts freely, just as I was learning to do. This openness turned my classroom into one of dialogue, collaboration, and vulnerability. I have fallen in love with things like Swivl's Mirror & M2 to innovate in self and student reflections.

When I showed my authentic self, it inspired my students to do the same. In sharing personal stories and challenges, we created a bond of trust. This connection has led to deeper learning and a willingness among students to take risks with their thoughts and ideas. My middle school students especially enjoyed it when I could vocalize my struggles with my emotions, cognitive issues, or others. It allowed them to truly see that all humans are messes just like they are.

When you free and comfort your mind, you are more open to learn!

Shifting Perspective #6-The Power of Music and Reflection

Songs like "Zero Hour" and "This Movie Sucks" have become more than just music; they are anthems of resilience. They remind me of the importance of standing firm in my beliefs and embracing my unique voice. Listening to music that resonates with my experiences is now an essential part of my self-care routine.

Through this journey, I have learned that I am not alone in my struggles. These songs remind me to reclaim my voice—not only in my career but in every part of who I am. As I move forward in the field of education, I know that challenges will always be present. Still, my view of these challenges has changed. Now, I see them as vital to my growth and my students' development.

Finally--Finding Strength in Our Stories

Reclaiming my voice has been an enriching journey of self-discovery and growth. The lessons from the past two years have transformed my approach to education, reinforcing my belief that every educator's voice plays a critical role in shaping the future.

The music accompanying this journey has become a soundtrack of resilience. It has shown me that I was born to share my voice, advocate for my students, and navigate the ever-changing landscape of education.

As I continue forward, I invite my fellow educators to embrace their unique stories. Let’s overcome challenges with confidence and reclaim our voices. Together, we have the power to create an educational environment that celebrates authenticity, nurturing creativity and the transformative power of our narratives.

I hope to find some accountability partners to keep me sharing, open, and growing in the future. As the kids say these days, 'thank you for coming to my TED Talk...'