I Was Born for This: Reclaiming My Voice

Reclaiming Our Voices: Embracing Change and Growth in Education

Allow me to reintroduce myself.

Navigating Personal Loss and Professional Growth

Things shifted for me both personally and professionally throughout 2023. My mother was in and out of the hospital and various rehab facilities for various medical issues. This never-ending domino effect finally took its toll. Tragically, we lost my mother on December 23. Not only did we lose her just before Christmas, but it was also the day before my youngest's birthday. This shattered my world.

My mother is where I learned my love for education, teaching, and inspiring others. Throughout much of my pre-college life, she ran her own daycare and preschool center. When I got home from school or practices, I would pull up my sleeves for some quality playtime with young children. As I was completing my teacher education programs, we often talked about what I was learning. Our discussions revolved around my excitement for the classroom. Eventually, we would reflect on why older kids were my preferred audience.

However, after her passing, I felt like much of my passion had dimmed. Even while diving into new opportunities—like ambassadorships and online speaking—the experience felt different. I began to feel like an impostor, someone who didn’t deserve the successes that I had worked hard to achieve. This mindset ultimately prompted me to seek changes in my employment, leading me to leave the district where I taught for 16 years. Even though the past year had been the most enjoyable and informative at the middle school level, I faced an unexpected turn of events. I was transferred back to the high school level with a brand new position for the upcoming school year.

Dealing with Depression and Anxiety

Even amidst the successes I encountered and the genuine connections I formed within my new global professional learning community (PLC), the nagging voices of depression, anxiety, and panic disorders tried to control my world. I looked back at the last thing I wrote before my first presentation at TCEA in February. It was filled with fear, doubt, and anxiety because I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere. Reflecting on my teaching gig starting in August, pop punk songs served as a reminder. They encapsulated the “best” advice I used to share with my terrified students before their speech and debate competitions.

"You graduated from Kindergarten, and you ain't gotta take sht from nobody."*

This mantra successfully calmed their nerves before major debates or performances. Now, it's time for me to adhere to my own advice.

"Zero Hour" by Settle Your Scores, 2018

https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=RDAsvgGljYZ0Y&v=AsvgGljYZ0Y

This is right in my pop-punk, scream-y comfort zone.

The opening verse of this track captures the cognitive and emotional traps I have felt for years:

My whole life

I've been staring into the rearview

Forever doubting every step that I take

I spent so much time looking backwards

I missed everything happening right in front of my face

Another day, another week, another year I've wasted

On pointless self-hatred

Second-guessing if I've got what it takes

And resenting the world for all my mistakes

But I've bent too far to break

What connects this song to me the most are the first two lines of the chorus: "I keep telling myself, I'm short selling myself, and I just might make it." I have walked through every door that has opened for me, and I need to give myself the grace to recognize that I belong. As the chorus concludes, "So I'll break down these walls I've built so tall, To hide myself from everyone else but, I've found out despite all doubt that I was born for this."

Shifting Perspective 1 - My Voice Matters

Listening to "Zero Hour" reminds me to stand firm amid adversity. The lyrics resonate with my life experiences, illustrating that setbacks can serve as stepping stones. For instance, after a difficult semester where I struggled to engage students, I learned to view those challenges as opportunities for growth. Instead of feeling defeated, I began to envision ways to reclaim my teaching voice.

Many educators underestimate the power of their voices. We can inspire our students, yet the noise of societal pressures often tries to silence us. Reports indicate that approximately 60% of teachers grapple with feelings of inadequacy due to workplace challenges. Recognizing this truth empowers us to combat those feelings and assert our influence.

"This Movie Sucks" by Durry, 2025

https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=RDX5sBJI1pQCQ&v=X5sBJI1pQCQ

For real, check this song out, and listen to their new album from which this is the title track. It is EPIC!

I have actively sought change. I've tried to step out of my comfort zone where I consider myself "digitally extroverted but terrified" in the real world. Durry opens this song by singing:

I’ve been living life

Like it’s a movie I don’t wanna watch

Can we just cut right to the montage?

Skip ahead a month or two

And I thought I would be better

But I’m not

This movie sucks

While my 'movie' has had its ups and downs, a profound sense of self-doubt often leaves me focused on the negative or mundane. However, in acknowledging my ‘kindergarten’ advice, I embraced the cliche of living in the moment and sought to make my 'movie' even better.

Durry shares remarkable advice in the pre-chorus:

I guess when I’m dead

That’s just the ending that I get

No ride into the sunset

There’s no bloopers at the end

So I’ll just bide my time

And try my luck

Nod and smile

And bite my tongue again

Why do I keep trying

To make the plot make sense?

I’ve discussed this song with lots of folks, and some see a nihilistic “everything sucks” message in it. However, I view the music video, which has become one of my all-time favorites, as illustrating a more Sisyphian type of absurdism. Yes, life has its challenges, but we must find joy in those moments—when our rock reaches the top of the hill, and we feel the warmth of the sun before the cycle begins again.

Shifting Perspective 2 - Turning off the Self-Doubt and Reclaiming My Voice

Through my struggles, songs like "This Movie Sucks" have invigorated me. The rawness exemplified in the lyrics has helped me embrace my imperfections. I realized every educator has a unique narrative filled with highs and lows that shape their experience. Each challenge is not a mark against me but a chapter in my growth story.

During this time, I consciously decided to let go of past pressures and focus on reinvention. For the past two years, I have centered on reinventing myself, diving deeper into the overarching themes that have always been present in my pedagogy. I've focused on adapting and perfecting my self-paced mastery learning system. I revised my grading communication (because it's all made up and the points don't matter). Most importantly, I've explored leveraging play, gamification, and technology to connect learning with my students’ interests.

I started to read more! Not these fancy olden hardcover books, but you get the gist =-)

Shifting Perspective 3 - The Professional Development You Can Choose Matters Most

As I navigated these reflections, I sought tools for my growth. I discovered that professional development isn't solely about attending workshops; it’s about understanding my unique voice as an educator. This realization is why I've become addicted to edge-u-badges and their system of micro-credentialed learning.

I made a conscious choice to surround myself with positivity. I sought mentorship from colleagues who encouraged resilience and inspiration. Conversations sparked fresh ideas, allowing us to think outside the box. Additionally, I immersed myself in books that challenged my assumptions, propelling me beyond my comfort zone. When I couldn't find positive spaces in person, I sought them out online. A special shout-out goes to the Eduguardians and the #BeeGold EDU crew, among many others, who have endured my questions and antics!

Most importantly, I began openly sharing my journey. This practice cultivated a supportive community of educators who uplift one another. For instance, by discussing my struggles during group meetings, I found others shared similar experiences. Together, we could support and learn from each other. I also discovered individuals I could connect with in Zoom chats or DMs who had faced similar challenges. I want to consistently share my journey and resources so I can become the rock for others that they have been for me.

Shifting Perspective 4 - Embracing Reinvention in Education

Reinventing myself in education involves recognizing that every lesson, interaction, and professional opportunity serves as a chance for growth. I adopted a mindset that views obstacles as integral to my journey. Instead of avoiding challenging topics or hurdles in curriculum design, I embraced them. For example, I taught three new classes in the spring semester out of a desire to learn and help others.

This new perspective empowered me to innovate my teaching practices. I encouraged my students to express their thoughts freely, mirroring my own learning process. This openness transformed my classroom into a space of dialogue, collaboration, and vulnerability. I have grown fond of resources like Swivl's Mirror & M2 to enhance both self and student reflections.

When I showcased my authentic self, it inspired my students to do the same. By sharing personal stories and challenges, we cultivated a bond of trust. This connection has led to deeper learning and heightened students' willingness to take risks with their thoughts and ideas. In particular, my middle school students appreciated moments when I voiced my emotional struggles or cognitive challenges. They saw that all humans—myself included—are imperfect beings navigating life.

When you free and comfort your mind, you are more open to learn!

Shifting Perspective 6 - The Power of Music and Reflection

Songs like "Zero Hour" and "This Movie Sucks" have become more than mere musical tracks; they serve as anthems of resilience. They underscore the importance of standing firm in my beliefs and embracing my unique voice. Listening to music that resonates with my experiences has become essential to my self-care routine.

Through this journey, I learned that I am not alone in my struggles. These songs inspire me to reclaim my voice—not only in my career but in all aspects of my life. As I move forward in education, I recognize that challenges will always exist. However, my perspective on these challenges has altered. Now, I view them as pivotal to both my growth and my students’ development.

Finally - Finding Strength in Our Stories

Reclaiming my voice has been a profound journey of self-discovery and growth. The lessons learned over the past two years have reshaped my approach to education. They underscore my belief that every teacher's voice plays a vital role in shaping the future.

The music accompanying this journey has become a soundtrack of resilience. It has taught me that I was born to share my voice, advocate for my students, and navigate the ever-evolving landscape of education.

As I continue moving forward, I invite my fellow educators to embrace their unique stories. Together, let's tackle challenges with confidence and reclaim our voices. We have the power to create an educational environment that celebrates authenticity, fostering creativity and the transformative power of our narratives.

I hope to establish accountability partners to keep me vocal, open, and growing in the future. As the kids say these days, "Thank you for coming to my TED Talk..."